Day 1 of becoming a better person

I have decided to create a blog about becoming a better person. I have been battling with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and just plain negative thoughts about myself and other people. I have started drinking almost on a daily basis to stop my pain, I take more pills than I need to to help deal with every day things. I have been dealing with so much neighborhood drama, friendships fading, missing my family and friends out of state, dealing with a child with a TBI, financial issues...the list really does go on. I can not face confrontation so I just deal with what is going on around me. I can not say no when I really want too. My life does not revolve around me but every one else and I and starting to fade away as a person. I am so afraid that I will finally take my own life if I do not change who I am, change my surroundings, have more faith in my life and trusting more in God. I can not take these problems into my own hands any longer.
I am deciding to FINALLY live for me, my kids, my husband and most importantly God. I can not and will not surround my self with negative people, negative situations any longer. I do not want to be walked over any longer but respected for the person I am...the person I want to be. I want to be an honest person, a person who can tell you look you are hurting me and I will not accept that. I am a good person, I have a huge heart, I do not do things to hurt people, I am trust worthy, I am a great friend, mother and wife. I want and need to be a better christian. I want to have faith in our God and I will as each day goes on.
I went to church yesterday for the first time in a year and a half and the message was clearly for me. It was about joy. Experiencing joy is not in the big events in your life but in the small. For example, the smile on your children faces, drinking a cup of coffee with someone you love, taking a walk around the block as the sun is setting, watching a flower bloom. I have been unhappy because I am looking for alot of money in the bank, a house, nice things. But that is not what life is about. Do I want those things of course who doesnt. But I dont need them. All I want out of this life is happiness, love and to watch my children grow into amazing people with a life full of success and happiness.
So my promise to my self is to be more positive, to trust in God even when things seem bad, to love my children and husband more and more every day, to be the bestest friend I know how with out being taken advantage of, to remove ALL negativity out of my life. Every single day I am going to do something to make me...ME feel good. God wants you to be happy. To focus on the good in your life because if you are not happy then the people around you are not happy. I am cutting out drinking and eventually get off all meds.
I have also started or should I say going to finish reading "Your best life now" By Joel Osteen.

Please check back daily and follow me on my journey to being a better person. A happier person! I pray my friends will support me on this journey. But I mean what I say. If you are negative I will not have you in my life any longer.

May God bless you each and every day!